Can you guys please critique my ad copy...

[jmagroup]

Hello Yall,
I am writing this letter to home owners who are selling offering them a lease option. Its just a prototype, but can you please tell me what you think, and if I should include or remove anything? Any and all feedback appreciated. Thank you. ....

____________________________

Dear Home Owner,
If your house has sold already congratulations! However, if your house is still available for sale, we may be interested in leasing your home with an option to buy. If you don't need much cash up front ($1,000 - $5,000), the best way to get your full asking price and a higher than average monthly rent for your home is to sell it on a Lease Option.

We will: 1. Pay your PITI (Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance) 2.  Handle all maintenance up to $200* (See enclosed letter) 3. Give you a non-refundable option deposit. 4. Help you avoid maintenance/landlording issues 5. Give you peace of mind, finally!

If you have pressing personal or financial considerations or your house is not selling as quickly as you would like, call us for a free, no obligation consultation!

Call us today, and see if your property qualifies, if it does, we guarantee that:

„Ï   We will have a written offer to you within 48 hours. Closings in as little as 7 days.

„Ï   We¡¦ll explain what we do, and answer all your questions.

„Ï   We will be direct, clear, and honest in all our discussions and arrangements.

Visit our website www.xxxxx.com or Call us today at:
866-xxxx-xxxx Ext. 1

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose!  I look forward to hearing from you.


                     Sincerely,

Me

[ZNICK]

Take out:

If you don't need much cash up front ($1,000 - $5,000), the best way to get your full asking price and a higher than average monthly rent for your home is to sell it on a Lease Option.

You DON'T want to give them cash up front!  You DON'T want to give them full asking price!  It can all be negotiated later, but for goodness sake, don't offer them $ you may not have to pay!

Also remove:

3. Give you a non-refundable option deposit.

Same reason...

I'd also skip the maintenance issue until you are negotiating....

I'd also change the 1st line to say:

If your house has sold already congratulations! However, if your house is still available for sale, we may be interested in leasing or buying your home.  

You just want the letter to get  them to call, not give too many details.

Z

[wdelgado]

I couldn't agree more!

[reoconsultants]

Remember The words But And However contradict everything you said prior too!!  I know my wife gets upset when I say HONEY I LOVE YOU HOWEVER!!

[sdonald]

I sent you personal message before. but just in case you didn't get it:

1. Be sure to put emphasis on the customer and how the solution you are offering will benefit them

Call us today, and see if your property qualifies you will get

-a written offer within 48 hours.
-Closings in as little as 7 days.
-answers to  your questions.

The idea behind ad copy is telling the propect what they really want to know "What's in it for me?"

[johnmichael]

I have used the following with good results.

Dear (Insert Customer Name),

I noticed that your listing has expired for your property located at (Insert address) in (Insert Location) and the listing agent may no longer be marketing your property.

We may have some interest in your property.

I believe there are several reasons that properties fail to sell:

• Property Price
• Market conditions
• Repairs not done
• Marketing
• Bad listing agent

I am confident we can help you with your property at (Insert address).

Please call us if you have an interest in discussing the purchase of your property.


Sincerely,