Getting the support of your spouse/family for REI

[justin0419]

I just wanted to offer up something to some of you who may not quite have the full support of your spouse.  My wife has generally been supportive of my REI venture thus far, but I could just tell she wasn't quite 100% behind me.  The building we bought was old and needed lots of updating so she saw lots of money going out...much more than what we were getting from rent.  Our rent numbers are good according to how income vs. expenses are evaluated by the veterans of this board.  Her attitude was pretty much that we were spending a lot on the place, it was taking time away from us being together, and I had to do all the work.  She wasn't interested in helping me with learning more about the business, doing basic bookkeeping, etc.  She had been working on her master's degree after earning two bachelor's degrees.  She got really stressed out the other day with all that's going on.  I'm on deployment.  She's with her family and things aren't quite what she was expecting by staying there.  She couldn't get any time away from the kids to study for class.  We talked about why she was going for her master's, our future, our business, etc.  She's finally come to the same conclusion as me.  I just simply don't want to work for anyone else after I retire from the military.  We see REI as THE way to supplement my retirement income and a way for us to spend more time together.  After talking, I now feel like she is as committed as I am to make this work.  She now wants to learn the business rather than just have me do everything.  She's also taking care of the books now too.  I tell her a lot about what people say on this board.  She's well aware of Propertymanager's successful business.  We discussed a couple purchases for when I return home and she's all for it.  I don't care what others may think about whether REI is the way to go or not.  I only care about what my family thinks. 
Moral of the story is this:  You never know what one thing may happen or one day that may come when you finally know you have that full support of your spouse, but it's a great feeling going forward knowing I'm not having to convince her of doing this.  Now we can talk about HOW we're going to do this instead.

[j1dias]

Justin - great post. I agree with you 100%. This is why our investing strategy has changed 3 times since I first brought up the idea of becoming RE investor. I should say that MY investing strategy changed because the my wife never bought the 2 first strategies I thought (strategy 1 - change our home every 2 years and sell for a profit and get up to $250k tax free profit every 2 years - seems nice huh?; and strategy 2 - flip properties). She didn't like them. She would support me, but her heart was not there... We kept talking about this and eventuall WE came up with our current strategy - buy and hold. This one excites her - she believes in home ownership. She is even searching for properties herself.

In the end of the day, I do believe in aligning with your spouse before making significant decisions. This may be the difference between succes and failure...

Anyway - thank you for sharing Justin... I wish you luck!

[herbster]

WOW! you two hit that right on the nose. I have no support from my wife or child and I believe the family is laughing at me. I don't expect I'll get any support until I throw a few grand in her face so she can go shopping. Anyway I won't quit. Great post. herbster

[TXRehabber]

Great post Justin,

I am in the same position myself, three small boys and a wife that I love spending time with. I initially wanted to fix and sell and do most of the work myself (I know I am cheap) this would take too much valuable time from the family. So now after discussing with SWMBO, we have agreed to become landlords. Just closed on a gem a week ago. Requires little updating and cosmetics. Will cashflow per Mike's formulas and my wife is loving it. She can see the end goal of me being able to stay home more and do what I love (compared to do what I do now, do something I hate but bring home good money).

Just need 19 more like this one to be able to replace my current income

[cathytxre]

This is a great post, and I'm glad to know I'm not alone.  I'm not getting much buy-in either.  I know it's fear, but it can be difficult listening to a list of everything that can go wrong.  At least I can't say that I haven't weighed the pros and cons.  I list the pros, and he lists the cons.

I'll be venturing into this alone for a while, but it will work out.

[justin0419]

I had a very candid talk with our Realtor on our deal.  He's been in the business for over 35 years as both a Realtor and investor.  He has about 3 dozen rentals and has the largest & most successful RE office in the area.  He said that with as many units as he has, maybe 1-2 tenants at most per year will be a problem.  Even Propertymanager with many more rentals than that also says his problem children only make up a VERY small fraction of his clientele.  It's just like watching the news at night.  What do they talk about...the good things going on or bad?  The negative always gets the publicity. 
I have a wonderful wife and four kids I love spending time with.  My job takes me away enough so I really want something that will give me some financial and time freedom once I retire.  And if you can make this work, at least you're working for your family instead of some company or boss.

My wife even sent me a RE book out here.  Coming soon....a post about being careful what you read.  The author of the book is pretty out to lunch. A lot of the "instruction" in there about how to buy, sell, and set up rentals is very comical.

[j1dias]

I am in the same position myself, three small boys and a wife that I love spending time with. I initially wanted to fix and sell and do most of the work myself (I know I am cheap) this would take too much valuable time from the family. So now after discussing with SWMBO, we have agreed to become landlords. Just closed on a gem a week ago. Requires little updating and cosmetics. Will cashflow per Mike's formulas and my wife is loving it. She can see the end goal of me being able to stay home more and do what I love (compared to do what I do now, do something I hate but bring home good money).

Just need 19 more like this one to be able to replace my current income

TXRehabber - amazing how your post hit home with me and my situation... One thing I am wondering - when you say you need 20 properties to replace your income are you saying that you need only 20 x 12 x 100 = 24,000 per year? Assuming a positive cash flow of $100.00 per month. Or are you thinking about 20 properties free and clear?

Thanks.

[TXRehabber]

Hi Jdias,

Well not really I realized I made a little typo, it is not replacing my income, it is covering my current monthly expenses.

The property I just picked up will cashflow roughly $150 per month, with 20 of those I would have $3,000 per month in positive cash flow 36,000 per year. That would replace our current expenses and whatever other income I have would be used for more investments.

Granted I have not taken in to account income tax etc that I will have to pay as self employed but that is a question my cpa gets to help with

[From LEO to REI]

Great topic!  I'm not married so my ventures have not been questioned by a wife.  That being said, I have had my parents and several family members question my purchases.  The same questions seem to always come out.  "What if it sits vacant?"  "That's alot of money to tie up"  "Why don't you just put that money in a savings account?"

Unfortunately, these are the mindsets that will ensure these people continue working well past when they could have retired.  The idea of hording money rather than investing it seems ludicrous to me, but it's a way of life for them.

That's probably why I was in my 30s before I started investing.  Whey you're not raised with an business mindset, you never realize what you're missing.  I will make sure my kids learn to save AND invest.  I don't want them to have to wait until they're 32 to make their first investment.

[Lamar]

Holy Crap. Lol Look how much we all have in common :-) Justin thank you so much for posting this...


I was in the military too and that is a tough transition when you get out. All the "guarantees" that you had become limited. lol 

 You see when I first got started in REI, my wife didn't support me either. It really sucked. I didn't understand why she didn't support me. Then i realized it wasn't about me, it was about that particular business. I know she was thinking " All he does is spend all day on that computer and reading course after course and spending less time with me and I don't see any $$'s rolling in, like he keeps going on and on about. "

My wife actually said that I shouldn't even quit my job if I make a lot of money with REI because it wasn't "secure". lol Can you believe that? No job is secure. It only takes two words too ruin your day. "Your Fired" . A good business is totally secure. Think about it ...every job you work, it's been for somebody else who is at the top of the chain. They have a system in place. If they fire you, they hire someone else, which further secure's there business.

If I'm my own boss, the words "Your Fired" will never enter my ears. Working for yourself and having a good system in place that puts money into your business over and over again is as secure as it gets.

It was hard as hell not having my wife's support. I even stopped marketing for leads, like an idiot... and that really slowed my business down. The reason I took it so hard was because we were going through a lot and I was so passionate about it and I just didn't get why she didn't seem to care.

I actually spoke to some close friend and even my Mentors, and in a nutshell they basically told me to stop making excuses and push through it all. They said make sure you take breaks and give your wife as much attention as you can, but get back to that business.

This actually worked for me because as I did more and more deals and she saw that I wasn't going to stop going after my goals, plus she saw $$'s rolling in, and that is when she came around... She actually said that she wants to help me now.

I said.....HELL NO..just kidding.. No I didnt..   But I was so happy when she came on board. Even if she gives up and says nevermind, I know to keep pushing and eventually I'll get to the top. It will be a bumpy ride, but it's worth it if it will allow me to completely quit my job and spend all the time I want with my family. That's my ultimate goal.

[phlemboy]

My wife is still skeptical. The "cons" that states are mainly based on fear, not fact. It would really help if she were supportive, but I use this as motivation to succeed and say "I told you so!" Having a business plan is very useful. I found Propertmanager's plan in his book to be the most useful. If you can convince your local bank to lend you the money, it SHOULD help to convince your family. But like anything else, you'll have to prove it. That's the only way. I don't plan on throwing any money in my wife's face. I'm throwing it right back into the business!! 

[j1dias]

Phlemboy - have you tried to spend time with your wife explaining your business plan? Have you given her a chance to opine and help you build/adjust it? I realized that I was doing my own stuff - planning my business without involving my wife. And then when I shared stuff with her she would not get excited and I would be disappointed thinking that she did not support me, etc, etc. After some soul searching I realized that it was my fault. I was doing all the reading, all the planning, all the analysis myself. When I started taking the time explaining her my thoughts, dreams, assumptions, she felt part of the plan and started contributing more. My wife helped me build the current plan - we have an agreement that we are only going to do things that make sense to both of us. I still think the original plan I devised 6 months ago was a good one. But she did not like it... We changed it together and now we have one that she is excited about and she will even manage the properties.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my personal experience so far. Good luck!

I hope you have a nice day!

[phlemboy]

Well I have discussed the plan with her. But she can't see past her fear that somehow we'll lose our shirt or it will be too much of a hassle. I feel that education plays an important part in dispelling fears. But her fears are closing her mind to concepts. She needs to see it to believe it. I just have to patient with her and hope she comes around eventually. I'd really like to see that someday. In the meantime, I use her skeptism to keep me from getting out of hand. But my business plan is there also. Here's to success!!

[j1dias]

Phlemboy - don't give up... She will come around... My suggestion (and I know that suggestions are cheap... :O) is to keep engaging her... You may be plesantly surprised one day when she starts to see things your way. In the interim, if you accomodate some of her suggestions she may feel more engaged and see that you are including her in your plans... Just a thought...

I wish you luck! and keep us posted...

[justin0419]

My wife is just so sick of me being gone.  Here's how my year has been so far:
2nd week in Jan. - gone for a week to TX
end of Jan. thru end of Mar. - gone for 2 months to Central America
mid-May - gone for a week to FL
end of may until probably mid-Dec - Making sand castles in far away lands.

So all in all, I will see her a total of about 90 days this year.  I've told her repeatedly that I want a comfortable living, but I really want the time for us to spend together.  That's ALL she wants.  I think she'd sacrifice any amount of money just to have more time together.  So when I discuss plans for more properties with her and when they're paid off we will have $XX amount per month plus my retirement to live on, she sees we will finally have that time for each other.  I can't do much to change how much I'm gone now, but I can change how things go once I retire. 
I think sometimes education holds people in the mindset that just because they went to school for a certain skill, they're destined to work for someone else using that skill for the rest of their life. 
Many people are very fearful of the unknown and view REI that way.