The Sociopath Next Door

[furnishedowner]

I just happened to grab a book, "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout while walking through Hastings Book Store.  It's a Best Seller.

Then I almost didn't do anything the next day except read it.  Couldn't put it down.

Dr. Stout says that "1 in 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty."  Suddenly the bizarre behavior of 3 family members in our large extended family jumped right off the pages at me.

The relative who would have horrible, vile, shouting matches in front of her hysterical, frightened children.  Who could care less about trauma to the very kids she was supposedly safeguarding.

The relative who instructed us (!) on how to do an insurance scam so we too, could steal with him!

The relative who would dump her kids anywhere so she could go off and party.  Who couldn't be bothered to take them to needed medical appointments because it was inconvenient and just not that enjoyable.

The one who sent the sheriff unnecessarily to enforce a court-ordered visitation.  Her small child still shakes and vomits whenever she sees a police car.

Dr. Stout gives 13 rules for recognizing and dealing with sociopaths.  She said sociopaths on the extreme scale could become serial killers, etc.  But right next door it might just be the mean neighbor lady that everyone hates.  Or worse, someone close to you.

This book is a 10. I'm telling you all about it because it may help one of you somewhere deal with that person who is just plain TOXIC.  A little knowledge can sure give you power and peace of mind.

I hope none of you find your nearest and dearest described in the pages.  But chances are the book will shock you with its hard-hitting truths.  The blurb on the cover said, "A chillingly accurate portrayal of evil--the decent person's guide to indecency."

Furnishedowner

[HoldAndBuy]

Interesting. But I think of a sociopath as someone who's very cunning and manipulative. Your relatives sound more like they're just irresponsible, or have anger management problems.

[Milwaukee]

Furnished,

I just bought this on Itunes after your review.  It is interesting and I'm only 2 hours in.  Audiobooks are a great way to pay half the price and mulitask like crazy.

[furnishedowner]

Good tip on iTunes, thanks. I love those audio books, too.

Those relatives tip towards sociopaths, in my opinion, because they have no qualms about hurting other people.  Even children.  It's all about THEM.

And these relatives are mostly working, socially acceptable people. Not prison convicts, serial killers or misfits.  But the lack of conscience towards causing others pain is what made me label them, to myself.

They are the people that make me feel like I'm walking on eggs when I am around them.  They can say and do hurtful things with no notice.  I glad that you all aren't saying, "Wow, my family too!"

Furnishedowner

[christopher w]

I think the term sociopath is getting thrown around much too often these days. It is very similar to the way ADHD and Bipolar Disorder are WAY overused. Some people just have very low moral compasses in fact a lot of people do, but labeling them a sociopath is streching it. If you really want to see the definition of a sociopath turn on MSNBC late at night and watch a program call Lockup:Raw it is a show done documentary style on prison life in the US. Let me tell you after watching that show my stock answer when my kids ask me what i am afraid of is this... Spiders, Sharks, and PRISON. The people that are in prison these days are MUCH different than the lovable prisoners from The Shawshank Redemption.

[PositiveOutlook]

"The Shawshank Redemption"

Love that movie...  must have watched it least a dozen times, and if it comes on, you still find yourself wanting to watch it...

Assuming it was accurate, it is always interesting how he made the best of the worst circumstance...

[christopher w]

I love that movie as well. To me it is kind of like Goodfellas...no matter how many times I have seen it if I am flipping channels and if it is on I watch it. I watched it (or 2/3 of it) on Sunday night as a matter of fact.

[PositiveOutlook]

LOL... same thing, different movie...   

One more to the list... Casino...

[Hoosier4life2005]

All great movies.. ill add my favorite...

Forest Gump . 

[Milwaukee]

I think the term sociopath is getting thrown around much too often these days. It is very similar to the way ADHD and Bipolar Disorder are WAY overused. Some people just have very low moral compasses in fact a lot of people do, but labeling them a sociopath is streching it. If you really want to see the definition of a sociopath turn on MSNBC late at night and watch a program call Lockup:Raw it is a show done documentary style on prison life in the US. Let me tell you after watching that show my stock answer when my kids ask me what i am afraid of is this... Spiders, Sharks, and PRISON. The people that are in prison these days are MUCH different than the lovable prisoners from The Shawshank Redemption.

Ah yes, those "Lovable" ice-pick-in-the-ear/anal-raping inmates.

[Bluemoon06]

I think the term sociopath is getting thrown around much too often these days. It is very similar to the way ADHD and Bipolar Disorder are WAY overused. Some people just have very low moral compasses in fact a lot of people do, but labeling them a sociopath is streching it. If you really want to see the definition of a sociopath turn on MSNBC late at night and watch a program call Lockup:Raw it is a show done documentary style on prison life in the US. Let me tell you after watching that show my stock answer when my kids ask me what i am afraid of is this... Spiders, Sharks, and PRISON. The people that are in prison these days are MUCH different than the lovable prisoners from The Shawshank Redemption.

You know I agree.  I believe that the only purpose of a prison is to keep people like that away from people like me.  The scary thing is that most of the people in prison will come out again at some point in time.  I believe that all prisons should be 2 strikes and you are out. (This ain’t baseball).  The reason you have to be “nice” to prisoners is because they are coming out one day and you don’t want o make them worse.  The other reason is so that the guards can control them using advantages and privileges.  I say we should never let anybody out of a prison once they go in.  That eliminates the need to be nice to them at all.  We need to fence off some area of badlands with water and shelter and that is it.  We don’t have to keep track of them, we don’t have to feed or water then, we don’t have to educate them.  They can live out their lives preying o each other.  You don’t need many guards and those guards don’t have to interact with the prisoners at all other than to shoot one that may try to escape.

Anybody see the movie Escape from New York.

[furnishedowner]

Prisoners are mentally ill, brutalized, illiterate, drug-addicted, traumatized.  Incapable of holding or getting a job.

I don't know why our prison systems can't pick out the redeemable ones and give them some skills like literacy, anger management and fathering skills.

And of course a trade. Prisons should be turning out carpenters, shoemakers, plumbers, cooks, mechanics. With out somehow letting them use all those tools to kill each other.

Furnishedowner

[PositiveOutlook]

"I don't know why our prison systems can't pick out the redeemable ones and give them some skills like literacy, anger management and fathering skills."

This is very revealing... so, if someone does their time as dictated by the courts on behald of society, you want someone to be the arbitor of who is redeemable or not...

"And of course a trade. Prisons should be turning out carpenters, shoemakers, plumbers, cooks, mechanics. With out somehow letting them use all those tools to kill each other."

If these people are so "unredeemabe", the last place they should be is in someone's home as carpenters and plumbers and cooking other peoples food...  Besides I thought the prisons were "filled" with non-violent criminals...   

The less you expect of people the more apt they are to give it to you...

[furnishedowner]

I just spent about 3 hours talking to a recently released inmate from a California Federal prison.  In my living room.  Relative of one of my kid's friend.

He is a cowboy who has a long history of alcohol, drug and firearm violations.  They sent him up for 6 years as a multiple offender--I believe the last charge was "parole violator with possession of firearm."

Rather than state prison, they sent him to do hard time in California. Nobody seems to know why he was shipped out-of-state.

I asked him."Did you have time to think about what brought you there, or to think about the future?"

"Nope.  I spent all my time thinking about how to stay alive."

"Were there any classes or anything to help when you would get out?"

"There was nothin'. You wouldn't believe the stuff I saw there," shaking his head.  "Really bad place."

So the cowboy is back. With no further life skills.  He is an intelligent, well-spoken guy who would be salvageable, in my opinion, with drug/alcohol ongoing rehabilitation.  Who is not violent when he is not on meth or alcohol.  Who could have learned AC installation, auto mechanics, piano-tuning, computer repair.

Now he is back out cowboying--a hard life at 50-something.  One with no benefits or future.  Where injuries are guaranteed.  Where there is no health insurance.  And where he's hanging out with the same old wild bunch.

I wonder what the recidivism rate is in other countries. If there are any prison programs in the US that give a fresh start.

Furnishedowner

[Bluemoon06]

There are only 2 kinds of crimes.  1) crimes of commerce and 2) crimes of emotion.  Crimes of commerce are when people do things to make money.  Selling drugs, prostitution, stealing, etc.  Those crimes can be prevented by teaching the person a trade.  Then there are crimes of emotion.  These are the assaults, rape, murder, alcohol and drug use and abuse.  These are people that didn’t learn how to control themselves in certain situations.  Those can’t be rehabilitated.  They would have to be made children again and re-raise them.  Since you can’t do that, teaching him how to repair a refrigerator doesn’t work.  I don’t want him in my house fixing my toilet.  We need to keep them away from everybody else.

This guy is going to drink to the point that he can’t control his emotions and he is going to get into a fight.  He knows it so he puts a gun under his shirt.  This guy doesn’t need to be walking around with us.